Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Petr The Pussy Eating Pelican



Pelicans eat pussy too! Well, I'll be damned. This happy little fella shall be dubbed Petr The Pussy Eating Pelican.

The rain has stopped, yet somehow I find myself watching the Jays game. Something has to give. So, onto the intertracery to spew my filth I go.

Admiral Instra-Trak Text Message Alert! I just received a text message from a buddy that is returning to work after some time off. Inspirational is an understatement:

"I love work, and my crew is so fucking cool. Ahhhhhhhhhhh! I'm so excited for 10 hours of work tomorrow, and the day after!"

Now, if only everybody had the same lust for life as my friend, we'd live in a much more efficient world. I can see it now:
- Timmy's would have no lineups.
- The floor under the urinal would not be covered in a puddle of excrement.
- The Mighty Oil would be sitting up 3-0 in the second round of the '09 NHL Playoffs.
- Meagan Fox would have mothered my children and also fornicated with my bank account.
- Chrysler would not be bankrupt.
- Duke Nukem would be available on the iPhone.




Too bad my buddy was being totally sarcastic. As it turns out, he would rather stick a sharpened, swine-flu infected popsicle stick in his rectum than go to work. He sure had me fooled... This means 1 thing: I will continue to wear my galoshes whilst relieving myself, urinal styles.

I'm not sure what the point of this post was, but it did get me away from watching baseball - for this I am thankful.

Other Random Notes:

- It's hump day. I have yet to hump.

- That Pens/Caps game was pretty entertaining. Malkin would look nice in Copper n Blue.

- It's about fucking time it rained. Farmers need some love too! (I could make a swine-flu joke, but I have taste dammit!!!)

- Drinking beer for several hours will drive a man to posting useless dribble about pelicans that eat pussy, and Megan Fox having babies.



I think I accomplished everything I set out to with this one! Success!





I have also decided to go Carlos Mencia on the Towel Boy. By this, I mean I have stolen a video directly from his site to whore it upon my own. I hadn't seen this beauty until a few minutes ago.



Hate Box Reaction: How come Towel Boy comes up with quality ideas for posts, while Rusty sits here drinking beer and talking about fornication?

Rusty Says: Because Towel Boy is a trail blazer. I'm a thief. Felonious capers, my friends.

Looks like it's back to drinking.

3 comments:

  1. I blame this travesty on JSBM posting Megan Fox hotness while I was trying to accomplish a world-saving motivational post.

    If you are prone to distractions:

    http://www.jeanshortsandbaggedmilk.com/2009/05/megan-fox-youre-welcome.html

    ReplyDelete
  2. Slow clap for this post, good sir.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @ TB - I'll have your quarter sent out in the mail shortly. That beer commercial was solid gold, so perhaps I might even send 2 quarters.

    ReplyDelete