One Hemisphere, Swine Flu - The Other Hemisphere, Mouse Attacks

Insta-Track Newsflash: Patrick Kane has just gone hero again and made it 3-2 'nucks. Come onnnnnnn Hawks!

Admiral Flashback: "Do you remember when the Oil had nothing to play for against a Calgary team bound for the playoffs right before the end of the regular season and decided to win the game? And, that win just happened to cost us dearly in the draft lottery? I remember that. Sam Gagner is cool too, I guess."

I think the funniest part of this video is the last sentence.

"The nursing home has offered to relocate residents to other facilities, but the families have declined."

Sidenote: Accents are amusing.

Round 2 Predictions

It's time to get down to business. I received an email this morning with the updated standings in our office pool. I gave her a looksy, and was shocked and dismayed to find that Trusty Rusty Shackleford was found sitting alone in 5th place. Depressing to say the least. I felt my first round was deserving of more than 5th place, and decided to review the InstaRound Trackometer I prepared for myself.

Either I do not know mathematics, or something is afoot!

5th place in our pool is currently worth 450 points. The InstaRound Trackometer below tells a different tale:



I CALL SHINANIGANS!!!

Math is math, and 450 is not the same as 490 - or at least the last time I busted out my Abacus they were not the same.

I have launched a formal complaint and expect an immediate resolution to this unfortunate instance. Assuming my outcry is heard, I will have vaulted from 5th place into sole possession of 2nd place. Nobody remembers who finished 2nd... But we ain't finished yet compadres.

I didn't freaking know Mick McGeough was tallying the scores this year!?! Bush League. George W. Bush League in fact. Although, we are friggen swamped at work right now, and official Tally Master is not exactly a paid position. I'll take my second place and move on to Round 2.

Moving On To Round 2:



WESTERN CONFERENCE

Detroit (2) vs. Anaheim (8)

Well I made a bold statement that clearly did not come true. Trusty Rusty no longer! That being said, Occasionally Correct Rusty doesn't have the same ring to it!

I yammered on about how the Ducks goaltending would not take them anywhere in this series. Meaning, will not take them anywhere BUT THE SECOND ROUND OF THE DANCE!

Much like the BJ's, the Ducks will need to step their game up against the Wings. The BJ's got on their knees vs. Detroit. Will Jonas Hiller do the same?

Hate Box Reaction: Chris Pronger will streak in alone and launch one top shelf to win the series for the Ducks.

Rusty Says: Detroit in 6.

Vancouver (3) vs. Chicago (4)

Will Roberto Luongo steal a series? Will Patrick Kane break into tears following a game 4 sweep of the 'nucks?

This series should be a doosy. It's times like these where the great debate takes place. Does one: a). Choose the Canadian Team Left or b). Spit on the Canadian Team because they are not the Mighty Oil?

Hate Box Reaction: You forget 1 thing Mr. Shackleford... Mats Sundin. MATS SUN-FUCKING-DIN!

Rusty Says: Chicago in 6.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Boston (1) vs. Carolina (6)

This should be a pretty exciting series too. Boston plays an exciting game, and the Canes showed some serious spine in Round 1. Unfortunately for Carolina, Boston isn't going to let Erik Cole scare them.

Hate Box Reaction: You sir, are wrong! Dumbass!

Rusty Says: Boston in 6.

Washington (2) vs. Pittsburgh (4)

The matchup of all matchups! Tom Poti vs. Rob Scuderi

Dynomite!

Hate Box Reaction: Mathieu Garon will come in for relief duty and lead the Pens to the cup! Douche.
Rusty Says: Washington in 7.

Bring on 1st place!

Below is how Swine Flu feels about my race to the #1 spot!:

Office Playoff Pool - Round 1 Shake n Bake

The office pool is under way... The shit-talk didn't take long to bust out across the email waves. Our CEO - who just happens to be in the lead apparently - took the time out of his busy schedule to send a mass email explaining to how he currently is in 1st place. The finance department collaborated to collectively opine that the CEO's choice of Washington to win the cup was suspect. Ya Boy RS, fresh from a well-deserved week off, returned to learn that our CEO was astute enough to predict a parade in DC this year - As did The Admiral. It was pointed out after the first two games that the mighty Caps brought their vagines to the rink; to which Mr. CEO issued a notice that Washington would be contacted and this thing would get turned around. Music to my ears it was!

Insta-Track Newsflash!: Sergei Fedorov has just scored to make it 2-1 Caps ----- SqueeeEeeeEEEee!!! ---

Needless to say, I'm glad to have our office pool to keep things interesting whilst the Mighty Oil spend their April slutting it up on the golf course.

To Those Currently Ahead Of Me In The Pool: Look over your shoulder princess, Trusty Rusty is on the charge!

YOU KNOW YOU WANNA SEE HOW I DID...

To get you stoked for what lies within, I have prepared the following statistical pie-chart to illustrate the greatness that was the 1st Round of these 2009 NHL Playoffs:



PS. Are you aware the Flames have been elminated in the first round? Again? 4 times in a row? Great Googly Moogly!



For All Of The Hard Core Stats Junkies:



Above you will find a bar graph illustrating my prognostication skills in Round 1. Needless to say, I am none too pleased with the Sharks right now.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

San Jose (1) vs. Anaheim (8)

Summary Of My Rant: All I'm saying about this series is: The Ducks goaltending isn't going to take them anywhere.

Hate Box Reaction: Todd Marchant will streak in alone and launch one top shelf to win the series for the Ducks.

Rusty Says: San Jose in 5.

OUTCOME: DUCKS IN 6

My Stats: GP 6 (5) = 0 pts. (15 possible)
Winning Games - 3 win = 30 pts. (60 possible)
Series Winner - SJ = 0 pts. (30 possible)
Total: 30 points out of possible 105 pts

Hindsight Says: Fuck.

Detroit (2) vs. Columbus (7)

Summary Of My Rant: Detroit is obviously Detroit. Columbus is obviously Colum... WTF?... Columbus is in the playoffs?!? It's about time, and I for one am happy to see it. Problem being - Columbus plays Detroit in the first round.

Hate Box Reaction: Jason Chimera will streak in alone and launch one top shelf to win the series for the Blue Jackets.

Rusty Says: Detroit in 6

OUTCOME: WINGS IN 4

My Stats: GP 6 (4) = 0 pts. (15 possible)
Winning Games - 3 win = 30 pts. (40 possible)
Series Winner - DET = 30 pts. (30 possible)
Total: 60 points out of possible 85 pts

Hindsight Says: Not Too Shabby!

Vancouver (3) vs. St. Louis (6)

Summary Of My Rant: Talk about a matchup of second half fire-breathers. Vancouver was able to steal the division from Calgary. St. Louis was the RuPaul of NHL bottom feeders and then skyrocketed into 6th place. I don't much care for the Canucks at all to be quite frank. That being said...

Hate Box Reaction: Brad Winchester will streak in alone and launch one top shelf to win the series for the Blues.

Rusty Says: Vancouver in 7

OUTCOME: CANUCKS IN 4

My Stats: GP 7 (4) = 0 pts. (15 possible)
Winning Games - 2 win = 20 pts. (40 possible)
Series Winner - VAN = 30 pts. (30 possible)
Total: 50 points out of possible 85 pts

Hindsight Says: I Will Not Predict The Canucks To Win In ANYTHING Less Than 7 Games.


Chicago (4) vs. Calgary (5)

Summary Of My Rant: Does Olli Jokinen disease exist? I think so. The Flames were a mess down the stretch, ran into injuries, and just plain and simple are the Flames... They can lickith the stickith!

Hate Box Reaction: Rusty is right. F*ck the Flames!

Rusty Says: Chicago in 5

OUTCOME: HAWKS IN 6

My Stats: GP 5 (6) = 0 pts. (15 possible)
Winning Games - 4 win = 40 pts. (60 possible)
Series Winner - CHI = 30 pts. (30 possible)
Total: 70 points out of possible 105 pts

Hindsight Says: HAHAHA! The Flames DID Lickith The Stickith!

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Boston (1) vs. Montreal (8)

Summary Of My Rant: Normally, the Canadian bias comes out quite easily, but Boston looks too strong a team to hate on.

Hate Box Reaction: But Rusty, can you possibly doubt the Eastern Conference All Star starting line-up? They have to win! They're Allstars Dammit!

Rusty Says: Boston in 6

OUTCOME: BRUINS IN 4

My Stats: GP 6 (4) = 0 pts. (15 possible)
Winning Games - 3 win = 30 pts. (40 possible)
Series Winner - BOS = 30 pts. (30 possible)
Total: 60 points out of possible 75 pts

Hindsight Says: WTF Montreal?!? I Guess It's Up To The Canucks?!?!! OHHHHHHH Caaaaanaddddddaaaaaa!

Washington (2) vs. NYR (7)

Summary Of My Rant: I would love to see Slats have some success in the new millennium, but this will not be the year. (at least millenniums are long, right?)

Hate Box Reaction: Scott Gomez is a playoff superstar, the only way the Caps could pull this off is if they had traded for Pisani before the deadline.

Rusty Says: Washington in 5

OUTCOME: CAPS IN 7

My Stats: GP 5 (7) = 0 pts. (15 possible)
Winning Games - 1 win = 10 pts. (70 possible)
Series Winner - CAPS = 30 pts. (30 possible)
Total: 40 points out of possible 115 pts

Hindsight Says: I picked the Caps to win the cup, so I guess I should just be happy they squeeked through. Fed-O-RoV!!! Fed-O-ROV!

New Jersey (3) vs. Carolina (6)

Summary Of My Rant: I'm going to pull the Brent Sutter has already mailed it in card and say Carolina will pull the upset.

Hate Box Reaction: How can you choose an Ex-Oiler like Cole to lead a team through the first round and not choose the greatest player in the 2004 draft besides Pouliott?

Rusty Says: Carolina in 7

OUTCOME: CANES IN 7

My Stats: GP 7 (7) = 15 pts. (15 possible)
Winning Games - 5 win = 50 pts. (70 possible)
Series Winner - CANES = 30 pts. (30 possible)
Total: 95 points out of possible 115 pts

Hindsight Says: Trusty Rusty Strikes Again! 95 out of 115 is CASH... Or as close to cash as I seem to be able to get.

Pittsburgh (4) vs. Philadelphia (5)

Summary Of My Rant: It's tough to hate on the Flyers instantly as I normally would, seeing as they went on a romp last year. That being said, even though it may be a bit tougher to hate on them this year, I still will take pleasure in doing so.

Hate Box Reaction: Joffrey Lupul is going to score 5 goals in a game at least 3 times this playoffs and will be named Conn Smythe winner.

Rusty Says: Pittsburgh in 6

OUTCOME: PENS IN 6

My Stats: GP 6 (6) = 15 pts. (15 possible)
Winning Games - 4 win = 40 pts. (60 possible)
Series Winner - BOS = 30 pts. (30 possible)
Total: 85 points out of possible 105 pts

Hindsight Says: Another Near Sweep! Chalk One Up For The Good Guy.



Also: