Basically, I was looking for Macho Man Randy Savage's rap videos (yes, he released a rap album) and came across this documentary on hallucinogenic drugs. For those who have yet to experience salvia, this is surprisingly accurate... somewhat.
Oh, and for all those die-hard rap fanatics, there is some Macho stuff inside ;)
May long has come and gone. Inside, I'll spew the precious details. The best part of long weekends is that you know there will be certain constants. Drunk, outdoors, ass slapping, grilling, bluntage, excessively loud tunes, hooliganism, fuzzems the 5-0, ridiculous hangovers... I mean, I could go on... Alas........ The BEST part of long weekend antics is the unknown. Sure, you know you'll be drunk, chasing ass, blunt in your mouth, steak on the grill, and waking up with one fuck of a headache. Tried, tested and true: It is what it is. The real fun comes from not knowing exactly what hand you'll land once the flop drops. I expected the basics of the long weekend, strapped on my drinking shoes and got down to business; the hand I drew was straight glory.
Friday got started way too early. Not only did I start drinking earlier than expected, I also started gathering the weekend's music at a record pace. I loaded up the iPhone, and burned classic drinking CD after classic drinking CD - For this I am thankful. Friday involved mass drinkage, and eventually a house party for a buddy taking off for Banff in the morning. Leaving for Banff is a quality excuse to throw a house party in my opinion. Needless to say, Saturday morning greeted me with a swift boot to the head.
Saturday involved hitting the Great Outdoors. It feels dirty to spend May Long without actually leaving the city. There are always so many stories that were so fucking hilarious at the time, but I can't remember for the life of me now. My head hurts. No Saturday stories for you.
Came back into town on Sunday afternoon and was in pretty rough shape overall. Still knowing the long weekend was yet to finish, I was back up on my grind. The tacklebox didn't work any magic thus far in the weekend and I was dedicated to continue in the persuit of ass. Sure, there's lots of drunken assgrab that goes down on a long weekend - If you don't land it, well that totally sucks. The mission was simple. I was hoping not to go to a club, or resort to some whackards way of landing a long weekend spunktakular. Luckily for this war mongerer, there were 2 nibbles on the line and a decision had to be made.
Consider this a battle won. 'Til The Next Long Weekend!
There are a lot of people around these parts that think soccer is either a wussy sport, or girlyman sport, or whatever adjective resembling gay they choose. Anyone who thinks this will surely find the video above as further proof. This guy can get any euro-chick he wants. He plays on the biggest stage at Man U. He reps Portugal. We all know what they say about Portuguese women.
How the hell did they catch this on tape?
Can't mention one Ronaldo without mentioning the other. Here is a video that made me laugh last year, and has done it again this year. Twice in one game. What are the odds?
I don't mind soccer. I used to actually watch it from time to time - even if it wasn't the World Cup or Euro. I'm the soccer equivalent to Ed Belfour between the pipes. Drunk, abusive, and downright filty when it comes to keeping things out of my net. That being said, soccer is nowhere near the top of my list.
I love Wheel of Fortune blunders. This is true. Nothing is better than seeing someone totally bomb a response that should be common sense. Above you will find my favorite one, for several factors. It's the highest quality, and this guy is the blunder - not his answers. This is one bad ass contestant. Retro-styles.
I don't want to call this guy a crackhead because he may have some form of medical condition... but wow he is eclectic, let's just say that.
I enjoyed all 8 minutes of this video, and there's an outside shot that you - that's right, YOU! - might enjoy this as much as I did.
As the result of an unpaid gambling debt, it is in my best interest to contribute to the cesspool that is Jeanshortsandbaggedmilk. As I'm sure you can imagine, Trusty Rusty is quite satisfied with the usability of his unmentionables. In lamen terms: I enjoy having a functional penis.
Effectively immediately, I will be toiling behind a computer monitor trying to peddle smut to the populous to ensure my not so little fella continues to see the light of day.
If I may, I would like to be serious for a moment. I think this endevor will lead to nothing short of a sexy time. Bottoms up! Tops off!
I feel such a triumph can only be summed up with a poem:
Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete? Proving nature's law is wrong it learned to walk with out having feet. Funny it seems, but by keeping it's dreams, it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else ever cared.- T. Shakur
Today was a good day. HOVA!
Hate Box Reaction: Does this mean the end of the Admiral??????? But we LOVE you Rusty!
Rusty Says: Don't worry kittens, I'll be around - and this site will too.
Not only did I have one hell of a time watching hockey tonight, I also got my NFL predictions out of the way. To see more detail into why this will be the final standings at the end of the year, click the damn post.
AFC
AFC North No surprise, Steelers and Ravens are the 2 strengths in the division. I'd rather see the Ravens win the division, but don't see it happening.
AFC East Tom Brady is back! Tom Brady is back! Well, I hate the Patriots, but keep it real and don't see any other team winning this division.
AFC West The Chargers are pretty lucky to be in their division. If they don't win this thing, I will be incorrect in my prediction.
AFC South The powerhouse division of the AFC depth-wise. All four teams can win football games. The Texans could do much better than I predict, but the depth of the division makes me think it'll be the Colts winning, and the Titans as the Wildcard.
NFC NFC North The Bears should be able to pull this thing off, even if Brett Favre comes back in purple. The Packers could make some noise too. Until I have a chance to see how Jay Cutler plays in the Chi, it's a crapshoot as to who will win the division in my mind. I'll give the tip of my cap to Da Bears! I also think I was generous to the Lions, giving them 2 wins. Will be interesting, and I for one can't wait.
NFC East Another difficult one to predict. The Giants must be considered, The Cowboys trimmed their cancers, and The Eagles made a run last year. I still think the Giants will take it and the Cowboys will sqeek out a Wildcard over the Eagles.
NFC West ZZZzzzZZzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz. Gonna be a snoozefest. Cardinals will win, and the rest of the division will continue to lickith the stickith. Seahawks might be decent, but most likely will not be.
NFC South Much like the NFC East, the South should be a gongshow. The Panthers, Saints, and Falcons were all playing well last year. For the Saints to have the offense they did, and finish as low in the standings as they did... Strong freaking division (and shitty D by the Saints). I'll go with the Panthers to win the division, but would not be surprised at all if that doesn't come true. The Falcons made some big steps over the off season, but I'll need to see more out of Matt Ryan to predict the Dirty Birds topping the division. Safe to say, one of the Wildcards will come from the South.
I'll figure out my playoff predictions shortly, and will call my bookie.
I'm fresh off of watching some of the most entertaining hockey I've seen in a long time. The Caps and the Hawks both showed some serious spine in winning their games tonight. Both games went down to the wire and the atmosphere in both rinks was electric. I would think the NHL would be pleased with how the playoffs have gone thus far, except for the fact the Mighty Oil did not qualify. A Chicago/Detroit Western Final would also serve the NHL well, considering both teams are slicker than Razor Ramon - and they faced off in an entertaining Winter Classic this year.. I can't wait to see Game 7 of the Caps/Pens series. Unreal.
The Admiral was planning on a relaxing evening at home last night, until I heard of a house party in high gear on the north side. Thoughts of all the free booze and booty, it was a no brainer to fire up the whip and head up north. I arrived sober as a judge, making me the only sane person in the joint. I was quick to catchup, and the rest, as they say, is history.
When you join a bunch of drunks as a sober citizen, it can go one of 2 ways. Either you're not drinking that night and drunks shortly become very annoying. Or, you join them. I joined them.
Interesting Notes:
- I find it hilarious when someone is so fired up about a story they're telling, that they stand up to give it the full effect. This doesn't sound funny - unless that person happens to stand up, trip over a kiddy pool, fall on top of the chair they stood up from, and fall flat on their face mere inches from the roaring fire. Comedy.
- I find it hilarious how some people just HAVE to be the center of attention - especially when boozing. A fight almost broke out of the answer key to the WHMIS test. I'm not sure how someone would take offense to this, however, drunks are drunks. Again, comedy.
- Another point of hilarity is knowing your limits. It's 4am, and we run out of hootch. One of the party goers realizes this (the same one that can't stand no less) and decides to call Dial-A-Bottle. When the lady on 411 gives the number, instead of remembering he wanted liquor, he proceeds to give the operator a drunken piece of his mind. (I honestly couldn't make out what he was saying. Maritimers sound drunk enough when they're sober.) Again, I laughed.
- Alcoholic Dogs - There was a beauty of a dog (The Admiral has a soft spot for BIG dogs) hanging out in the back yard with us all evening. As we crushed beer after beer, the dog found great pleasure in tipping over the empties, pouring them on the ground and drinking the beer. Needless to say, I was impressed.
If you look closely, you will see the dog crushing a Bud.
Thank goodness Lord Wanye Von Gretz IV went all Glen Sather this morning and got me outta the clink. It's nice to be free again.
I was out and about and should be somewhere right now, but these pics were too good to continue with the events this evening. I'll make it short and sweet, and you can insert the punchlines you want. Chris Brown leaked pictures of Rihanna naked. Well, isn't that romantic. Fuck around, this was good news.
For everyone interested, the pics are inside. You'll look. Totally NSFW.
I'm sure I'll add more thoughts once I return home and have a chance to fully review the intricate details of each pic. Friiiiiiiiiiday!
It's a cut throat world out there. Effective marketing in this stagnant economic climate is a must for a company to retain, and ideally, increase their market share. I caught wind of this commercial and subsequently must give a tip of my cap to El Pollo Loco's brain trust.
Too bad I can't enjoy some free El Pollo Loco on Mother's Day.
I am known for a few things, rather than many. Being an allstar basketball champ is from time to time a hobby, but rarely a career. Yesterday, however, I signed numerous 3 point petitions indicating otherwise.
As broadcast on Twitter:
Damn I pulled it off. Was down 18, 17 and I had 2. Straight to 21. Cash money. about 7 hours ago
This was me elaborating on the triumphant comeback of the night. No, not the Hawks stunning the Canucks, instead it was my rise from an 18-2 hole, to a 21-19 champion.
That's right. I ran the board from 2 to 21 playing a game aptly named.... 21.
Oh, wait, I think my Twitter may have explained that. Very well, enjoy a picture of me accomplishing the feat. Stunning.
Remember Kids: Like everything the Admiral lays his eyes upon, this shit is not exactly safe for work. It's still tasteful in a way; albeit, perverse and contumacious. Sexxxxxy Time, nonetheless.
I am totally back at it again *can't stop, won't stop*. I can't think of anything finer than scouring the internet in an illustrious attempt to thief my way to satisfaction. I done gripped me a classic. *Erupts into double-time moon walk, complete with groin thrusting/grabbing, gold spray painted hockey knee pads, and rhinestone glove - Ta Heeeee Heeeeeeeee... Chhh' monnnnn*
Big up to JSBM who continue to destroy my ability to focus. What results is a stern warning to the general public: These two hooligans should be considered armed and dangerous.
This one I obtained by the classiest of means. Searching 'Hottest Girl Ever' on YouTube.
Enjoy: (The title is not misleading - I guess it's old, but new to me...)
Sidenote: While she is damn fine, she could have done a lot more in the ass shaking department (and the audio department). That being said, beggars can't be choosers I believe is the saying. As per usual, I'd still spunkload a brat into her.
IMPORTANT AUDIO UPDATE: The magicbox known simply as iPhone has assisted me yet again. If you haven't heard, they have an app that hooks you up with the name and album for any song, any genre, EVER!!* Shazam is the name of the app, and I now know that the song in this video is Criminal, by Fiona Apple. Well, there you go. Technology gives me a boner more often than not these days.
* Does not actually have every song... I would still take great pleasure having sex with it; not so much with Fiona Apple. Again, knowing me, a brat causing spunkload within could be a possiblity for Miss Apple. I'll be Mr. Banana.
I am well aware there is an inner pervert in all of us. I am known to keep it real more often than not. My actions today fall under the 'More Often' umbrella. Click on the damn post to see more.
To recapitulate the theorem delineated herein:
((Titties + Ass) + Not Being At Work) x (Blood Alcohol Level/π) = Good Fucking Time + √Twat.
Simple algebra, cohorts and compatriots.
One love, one nation.
I see you've made it this far. Pervert. I am a man of my word, thus and so, without further delay:
How to start? Well, we can't forget to stretch.
More Spunkery:
God Bless Her:
Rusty Says: Why is this video so fucking hot? If I was in Hollywood, I would pitch a project where this premise replaces Fear Factor.
Onwards, and UPwards!
***** PLEASE TURN THE AUDIO OFF BEFORE WATCHING THIS NEXT ONE. IF THIS IS DONE, YOU WILL ENJOY. IF NOT, YOU MAY STILL ENJOY - THE TALKING MAKES ME WANT TO GO JUMPSTART THURSDAY NIGHT SHANKAPALOOZA. ****
Wow:
Shakems:
Interesting...
I could go on for days, but there's more important things afoot.
This Post Would Not Have Been Possible Without The Loving Support Of:
- Rusty Shackleford - Enzyte - The Letter 'P' - JSBM's attention to the bonerific arts. - Trainwreck Kush - www.thesaurus.com - Kokanee "Glacier Pack" 18 deep. - Große Brüste und Dichter Arsch
What a golden first line: It's an exciting time for professional hockey in Southern Ontario and it has nothing to do with the playoffs. (Insert random Leafs joke here)
The only other thing I thought of while reading this site:
Above you will find Jim Balsillie's sales pitch to the league.
